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A while back, polaris_xx introduced me to Cabin Pressure, a hilarious BBC audio series about a tiny charter airline firm. It's incredibly witty and well-written and I enjoy it a lot. A little while ago I had an idea for a fan fiction written in audio drama style, which I have noodled on but not made much progress. Today's entry is for that, introducing the terrible wealthy couple which the team would be flying to a family party in San Tropez.

Whenever I attempt a fan fiction, I want to emulate the style of the property I'm writing for. I am not nearly as funny and witty as Cabin Pressure writer John Finnemore, but I gave a decent attempt. See for yourself if I managed to make you laugh, or sound like the style of the original.

This is dedicated to Gigi for introducing me to it!

Meet Trudy and Cliff
by Phoebe Roberts

CAROLYN KNAPP-SHAPPEY, CEO of MJN Air
CLIFFORD SPEEDWELL III, the client
TRUDY CADWALLADER, the client’s fiancee
ARTHUR SHAPPEY, Carolyn’s son and the flight attendant
MARTIN CRIEFF, the captain
DOUGLAS RICHARDSON, the first officer
~~~

(In the cabin.)

CAROLYN: Hello, I am Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, and I’d like to welcome you on behalf of MJN Air.

CLIFF: This is the plane?

ARTHUR: We call her Gertie!

CLIFF: Oh, God. All it needs is a couple of passed-out drunks under the seats and it might as well be the Tube.

TRUDY: Oh, I'm sure you'll fix that once you get them to open the liquor cabinet.

(Pause.)

CAROLYN: While Arthur and I are here to make your trip as smooth as possible, we must draw the line at anything that leaves passengers actually incapacitated.

ARTHUR: But, Mum! What about the time the fight broke out with the football team and you used that empty Jameson’s bottle to—

CAROLYN: Thank you, Arthur! I trust we needn’t worry about riots breaking out between a pair of fiancés.

TRUDY: Don’t be so certain, if Cliff doesn’t stop texting the towel girl at the tennis club.

CLIFF: Caw, Trude, give it a rest. What’s everybody going to say when you show up making a mug like you’re a bulldog that somebody kicked in the face?

ARTHUR: Mum says you’re on your way to an anniversary party in San Tropez!

TRUDY: Oh, is that why we’re slingshotting ourselves across the Pacific in a junk heap somebody shot down in the Second World War? We have to go halfway around the world so you can let waitresses sit on your lap while your father tells us how his portfolio and his prostate are doing?

CLIFF: No, it’s because I'm not shut up in enough tiny boxes that I can't get out of while you harangue me.

TRUDY: You never listen to a word I say anyway!

CLIFF: How could I, when you’ve always got me bleeding from the ears!?

TRUDY: Well, have it your way! I am not speaking to you, Clifford! Clifford, do you hear me!? Come back here so I can tell you how I am never speaking to you again! You never listen to me, Clifford! Clifford!

CLIFF: (yelling from the rear) What have you got to drink on this flying bus?

(In the flight deck.)

CAROLYN: Martin, Douglas, have you seen the Johnnie Walker anywhere?

MARTIN: It’s ten o’clock in the morning!

CAROLYN: It’s an emergency, I assure you. Oh, I would have stocked something a little nicer if I didn’t have to worry about Douglas nicking it.

DOUGLAS: Won’t Tartan be good enough for old whatshisname… “Biff Speedtrap?”

MARTIN: You’d better not let them hear you say that.

DOUGLAS: Oh, no? Will that mean they won’t talk to me? Because that would be terrible.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
polaris_xx
Aug. 6th, 2014 02:08 am (UTC)
I'm so excited about this! I heard it all in their voices. Douglas' ending line was PERFECT.
breakinglight11
Aug. 6th, 2014 01:54 pm (UTC)
Eeeeee, I'm so glad you think so!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

About Me

My name is Phoebe. I'm Boston area theater professional and English professor focused in writing, acting, directing, and modeling. I'm known for having lots of interests, lots of opinions about those interests, and a very high estimation of the value thereof. This blog is for talking about whatever's on my mind, from my daily life to my activities to musing on any number of abstract topics. Thanks for taking the time to read.

My productions:

Upcoming Productions:



MRS. HAWKING part 2 and 3


at the Watch City Steampunk Festival 2016

presented by The Chameleon's Dish

Vivat Regina
by Phoebe Roberts

at 2PM

and

Base Instruments
by Phoebe Roberts

at 6PM

Saturday, May 13th 2017
at 274 Moody Street, Waltham, MA

Other Achievements:

"The Tailor at Loring's End" screenplay
Quarter Finalist in the Final Draft Big Break Screenwriting Competition 2013

"Adonis" screenplay
Top Ten Percent in the Bluecat Screenwriting Contest 2015

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