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Driven

In the study skills class I'm teaching, the current chapter is one about choices and taking action. The idea it wants to communicate, basically, is even when you're in a bad situation that's totally not your fault, you should still make the effort to make positive choices to put into action for yourself, because even if you can't fix things completely, it will allow you the maximum amount of control and improvement over your life.

I think this is a good mindset to have. I try to live my own life that way. Still, it's a tough subject for me to teach, mostly because I want to emphasize personal agency without slipping into victim-blaming-- like, "There's no point in ever getting upset at unjust things that happen to you, because effective people always have the ability to take control of every situation," or anything extreme like that. But also because a big component of that is positive thinking. And for the last ten years or longer, I have struggled with that.

Bernie thinks it's at least partially because of my depression. He thinks it warps my perspective, making me prone to assuming the worst, and taking any downturn as a sign that my efforts will be for nothing. I think that's probably part of it, but I also think there's more to it. I am morbidly impatient-- I tend to assume that if my efforts don't pay off immediately, they're not going to. I also tend to want to prefer preparing for the worst rather than hoping for the best, in an effort to not have negative consequences come out of nowhere and wreck me. Whatever the reason, I am extremely inclined to those cognitive distortions that have to do with negative expectations, outlooks, and interpretation-- black and white thinking, filtering, overgeneralization, catastrophizing.

My one saving grace in this is that, no matter how negative my MINDSET gets, I am very good at not letting myself stop trying. One of the things about myself I have always been most proud of is my drive. It's something that friends often mention when they want to compliment me. When I want things, I am very good about not forgetting that the only way to guarantee you'll never get it is if you quit trying. So, despite my impatience and occasionally morbid pessimism, I am known for pushing and working and never giving up.

I have made a lot of things happen in recent time. I decided I wanted to do a new exercise and diet routine, so I did-- I've been doing it for almost five weeks now. I knew I had to change up how my life ran if I was going to succeed at my new jobs, so I made those changes. I've got projects I'm adding on on top of that, which I will be talking more about shortly. It's going to demand a lot of me. It may make me tired and stressed out, which pushes my attitude toward the negative. But I want these things to be, and the only way they will happen is if I make them happen. So I'm grateful I know I have the drive to push through, not only the amount of work and effort, but any possible roadblocks my mindset might put in the way.

Wish me luck!

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About Me

My name is Phoebe. I'm Boston area theater professional and English professor focused in writing, acting, directing, and modeling. I'm known for having lots of interests, lots of opinions about those interests, and a very high estimation of the value thereof. This blog is for talking about whatever's on my mind, from my daily life to my activities to musing on any number of abstract topics. Thanks for taking the time to read.

My productions:

Upcoming Productions:



MRS. HAWKING part 2 and 3


at the Watch City Steampunk Festival 2016

presented by The Chameleon's Dish

Vivat Regina
by Phoebe Roberts

at 2PM

and

Base Instruments
by Phoebe Roberts

at 6PM

Saturday, May 13th 2017
at 274 Moody Street, Waltham, MA

Other Achievements:

"The Tailor at Loring's End" screenplay
Quarter Finalist in the Final Draft Big Break Screenwriting Competition 2013

"Adonis" screenplay
Top Ten Percent in the Bluecat Screenwriting Contest 2015

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