?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Ruining my thesis

Well, exactly what I was afraid would happen has occurred. I just got my second assignment packet for school back and just as I feared, my teacher was not impressed. I knew it wasn't any good. It's been so hard to focus when I'm so screwed up from everything that's gone wrong in the last few months. I'm not sure how to fix this. It could just be my upset talking, but I'm not even sure I believe in the piece anymore. I know it's no good but I don't know how to make it any better. This is my thesis, the last semester I need to complete in order to get my masters, and I'm terrified it's going to end up being garbage. I need to finish this, write a good piece and get my degree-- every other important thing in my life is a mess right now, work, love, family, so I can't screw this up too. It was suggested to me that I tell my adviser at least something about what's going on with me, so I did just now, but it feels like such an excuse. What's she going to do, give me a pity degree? Her knowing my life is a mess isn't going to make my writing any better.

I feel so discouraged right now.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
vortexofchaos
Mar. 20th, 2013 03:26 am (UTC)
You know that you can do this.

I keep telling myself the trick to handling the Vortex of Chaos is to use judo, to take the swirling forces of my life in an utter mess and use them. I can't hit them head on, because I'll go under. But, I can grab hold of them and nudge them in a new direction. I can pivot the angst around and push it in my writing, to produce the drama and characters I need, thus lessening their force in my life.

So I keep telling myself.

Sometimes it even works.
sprrwhwk
Mar. 20th, 2013 04:17 am (UTC)
It is the upset talking, and the upset lies... You've done this before, and you can do it now. One day, one foot, one word in front of the other.

If the fear that the piece is going to be garbage is keeping you in place, don't judge the piece now. Wait until it's done. Ignore your instructor's comments until it's done. You can fix it then.

(My writing instructors gave me permission to suck. I have a certificate and everything! You have that permission too. Especially in first draft.)

Do what you need to do, and escape.

Good luck.
lillibet
Mar. 20th, 2013 05:01 am (UTC)
Knowing several instructors and advisors, they generally like to know what's going on with their students. They can't help if they don't know what the problem is and they can't help you to overcome obstacles if those are invisible to them.

I'm sorry it's hard.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 20th, 2013 10:59 am (UTC)
I think telling your advisor what's going on was the right choice. If she's worth her salt, she'll have some advice and sympathy at least and some strings she can pull at best.
laurion
Mar. 20th, 2013 01:53 pm (UTC)
They wouldn't want to give you a pity grade. But they may want to better support you in times when you are having a hardship supporting yourself. They may adjust their time and coaching energies, as some students need more, some need less, and it is their job to adjust their finite capacities to teach and coach and mentor their students individually and wholly as the need changes.

You're having a hard time. You've stumbled. Probably not the first time in your life, and probably not the last either. Every time you've picked yourself up and kept going, and it has gotten you this far. Pick yourself up again, and if you need a hand to help pull you up, that's what your adviser can offer, and what your friends are offering. Not to take the journey for you, just to help you stay on it.
twilighttremolo
Mar. 20th, 2013 05:43 pm (UTC)
I don't know what your grade situation is like, or whether you even have grades in your program, but what you described reminded me a lot of how I was feeling during my last semester of college. I was going through a lot of stuff, and trying to still meet my academic goals and do well on my thesis, and I didn't know how to handle everything. The therapist I started seeing for the first time that semester said to me, "I don't know what your grades are like, but from the way you talk about school, I'm getting the impression you're an A student. Remember that sometimes it's okay to take the B. You have a lot going on, and it's okay." Since then, I have sometimes thought of "taking the B" figuratively, as well, trying to remind myself that it's okay not to be at my best all the time.
Hang in there.
ext_1731237
Apr. 1st, 2013 09:12 am (UTC)
live up
Talking to your professor helps when you are writing your thesis (www.thesishelpdesk.com). Confining for his advice will enlighten so instead of feeling so down, go on and talk to your professor or anyone that can lift you up.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

About Me

My name is Phoebe. I'm Boston area theater professional and English professor focused in writing, acting, directing, and modeling. I'm known for having lots of interests, lots of opinions about those interests, and a very high estimation of the value thereof. This blog is for talking about whatever's on my mind, from my daily life to my activities to musing on any number of abstract topics. Thanks for taking the time to read.

My productions:

Upcoming Productions:



MRS. HAWKING part 2 and 3


at the Watch City Steampunk Festival 2016

presented by The Chameleon's Dish

Vivat Regina
by Phoebe Roberts

at 2PM

and

Base Instruments
by Phoebe Roberts

at 6PM

Saturday, May 13th 2017
at 274 Moody Street, Waltham, MA

Other Achievements:

"The Tailor at Loring's End" screenplay
Quarter Finalist in the Final Draft Big Break Screenwriting Competition 2013

"Adonis" screenplay
Top Ten Percent in the Bluecat Screenwriting Contest 2015

Latest Month

April 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by chasethestars