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What grief is so far

So far it seems that grief is a lot of feeling dull and empty. My head is full of a lot of nothing. I can't think of things to say even when I try. Focus, elusive enough for me at the best of times, is at an all-time low. All I want to do is lay around in a heap, reading dumb stuff on the Internet I've read a hundred times before.

I still think it hasn't completely hit me. I miss her a lot. But it feels kind of like it does when somebody's been gone for a while, not when they've only just left and are never coming back. I wonder how the feeling will gape when I really grasp that this is forever. She's gone for always, and I will never have her again in this life.

I sure do miss her, though. When's she coming home again? Oh, right.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
audioboy
May. 29th, 2014 01:44 am (UTC)
*so many hugs*

My mother and I didn't get along and I haven't particularly missed her these past six years,
but when I read your eulogy, I sat in my car and sobbed. It made me think about what I missed during that time we didn't get along and how I might feel differently now if we had.

Hang in there, Phoebe. You know you have so many people who love you and are here if you need them. Myself included.
jducoeur
May. 29th, 2014 06:57 pm (UTC)
Most heartfelt sympathies. In my experience, the realization is a gradual one -- after three years, I can't say that it's *completely* sunk in for me. (Certainly not in terms of my dreamspace.)

Grief is a lot of things, and you'll probably find that it varies day-to-day. But this sort of depression is very normal. It does pass, gradually and eventually, if you let it.

My main recommendation to you is not to hold onto it -- AFAICT, where people *really* get into trouble is when they let survivor guilt convince them that letting it pass is somehow wrong...
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

About Me

My name is Phoebe. I'm Boston area theater professional and English professor focused in writing, acting, directing, and modeling. I'm known for having lots of interests, lots of opinions about those interests, and a very high estimation of the value thereof. This blog is for talking about whatever's on my mind, from my daily life to my activities to musing on any number of abstract topics. Thanks for taking the time to read.

My productions:

Upcoming Productions:



MRS. HAWKING part 2 and 3


at the Watch City Steampunk Festival 2016

presented by The Chameleon's Dish

Vivat Regina
by Phoebe Roberts

at 2PM

and

Base Instruments
by Phoebe Roberts

at 6PM

Saturday, May 13th 2017
at 274 Moody Street, Waltham, MA

Other Achievements:

"The Tailor at Loring's End" screenplay
Quarter Finalist in the Final Draft Big Break Screenwriting Competition 2013

"Adonis" screenplay
Top Ten Percent in the Bluecat Screenwriting Contest 2015

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