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Still falling into the pit sometimes

I had a rough time emotionally this past weekend. I went into one of the most intense depressions I've had in a very long time. The initial bad feeling was triggered by something specific, but spiraled from there mostly due to getitng myself stuck in a particular negative mindset. This is typical of me-- while I have diagnosed depression, it starts due to something situational, and then the brain chemical shift and I end up dwelling there.

I dug myself out of it by the end of Sunday. I'm very good at doing the things I need to do in order to keep myself on track, if not necessarily feeling good. I got out of the house and did something different. I bought myself a couple of dresses off the sale rack at Forever 21, because what's the point of working this hard on staying thin if you can't make cheap fashion look good? I went for a run and used my anger at the world to push myself as hard as I could, and I ran a mile in five minutes and forty-five seconds, the fastest time I've ever hit. I saw Magic Mike XXL, and through the combination of enjoying the hot stripper boys and humorously livetweeting the experience, managed to shake myself out of things.

I probably shouldn't have spent the money, and it annoys me that it took doing things that required spending money to make myself feel better. I'm annoyed that I still get that depressed, particularly when triggered by small things that spiral. I'm glad I am capable of finding ways to dig myself out of the pit, but I hate that sometimes I do all the stuff I'm supposed to do to take care of yourself and I end up in the pit anyway.

Bernie has started doing research on my behalf, and he's discovered some things that are worrying to both of us. I probably should look into dealing with this stuff in a more permanent way. But given the nature of my issues, and the things I've already tried to no success, I'm not sure exactly what might help.

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About Me

My name is Phoebe. I'm Boston area theater professional and English professor focused in writing, acting, directing, and modeling. I'm known for having lots of interests, lots of opinions about those interests, and a very high estimation of the value thereof. This blog is for talking about whatever's on my mind, from my daily life to my activities to musing on any number of abstract topics. Thanks for taking the time to read.

My productions:

Upcoming Productions:

MRS. HAWKING part 2 and 3

at the Watch City Steampunk Festival 2016

presented by The Chameleon's Dish

Vivat Regina
by Phoebe Roberts

at 2PM


Base Instruments
by Phoebe Roberts

at 6PM

Saturday, May 13th 2017
at 274 Moody Street, Waltham, MA

Other Achievements:

"The Tailor at Loring's End" screenplay
Quarter Finalist in the Final Draft Big Break Screenwriting Competition 2013

"Adonis" screenplay
Top Ten Percent in the Bluecat Screenwriting Contest 2015

Latest Month

April 2017


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