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Bad repeat

I've developed a bit of a bad habit recently that, when I make a mistake or when things go wrong, I start mentally beating myself up more than is strictly appropriate. Even for small errors, happening by fluke and without huge consequences, seem to start up a stream of kicking myself for being stupid or careless for letting it happen. I'm not sure why, especially since I still don't think I'm that much of a screwup, but it's started a lot of negativity in my brain that isn't healthy for someone of my already fairly pessimistic disposition.

Honestly, I've always found a little bit of self-recrimination to be an effective motivator; a few sharp words to myself sometimes makes me focus and pull myself together when I'm not on top of my shit, and it doesn't really affect my actual self-image as a smart and capable person. But lately it's been set off by the smallest things, and the intensity has not been comparable to the scale of the errors. I really want to cut that off at the pass, as even though I tend to not actually think such mean things about myself, it can't be good for my brain to be repeating them constantly.

I have a touch of perfectionism that I usually do a pretty good job of tamping down, but lately I've felt kind of constantly that I'm not doing enough. Like I should be using my time more effectively, that I'm scrambling and finishing everything at the last moment, even though the results would suggest that I'm on top of stuff. But when I break my tasks down into smaller pieces to do a piece at the time, I feel like I'm putting off finishing the work, and when I try to do the task all at once, I feel I've not budgeted my time correctly. I'm pretty certain it's not reasonable, but I sure as hell wish I could do a better job talking myself out of feeling that way.

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About Me

My name is Phoebe. I'm Boston area theater professional and English professor focused in writing, acting, directing, and modeling. I'm known for having lots of interests, lots of opinions about those interests, and a very high estimation of the value thereof. This blog is for talking about whatever's on my mind, from my daily life to my activities to musing on any number of abstract topics. Thanks for taking the time to read.

My productions:

Upcoming Productions:

MRS. HAWKING part 2 and 3

at the Watch City Steampunk Festival 2016

presented by The Chameleon's Dish

Vivat Regina
by Phoebe Roberts

at 2PM


Base Instruments
by Phoebe Roberts

at 6PM

Saturday, May 13th 2017
at 274 Moody Street, Waltham, MA

Other Achievements:

"The Tailor at Loring's End" screenplay
Quarter Finalist in the Final Draft Big Break Screenwriting Competition 2013

"Adonis" screenplay
Top Ten Percent in the Bluecat Screenwriting Contest 2015

Latest Month

April 2017


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